feelings that is nothing good

started to develop some kinda weird feelings inside me. feelings like, be aware of all people ard u. feelings like, got the feeling of being bakstabbed. feelings like, doubtin every single one of there i know.

i just hate tis feeling. but is kind of dwellin inside me which i dun wan and like. i felt im a burden to other ppl, keep on slowing down other's ppl pace or a irritating and a annoying person to someone.

ppl may have ask me, who? who exactly is it? the answer is, i dunnno. i really dunno. i dunno whether i wan to know it or not. was feelin not so gd in there.

i felt betrayed. i felt backstabbed. but by who? i dunno. i nt sure. worst thing is u have been backstabbed and not knowing who backstabbed u. voices tellin me to be aware to all people out there. includin my friends. for nt every single one can be trusted.

i find it very difficult to put my trust in someone now. i find it hard. really. is it difficult to build trust on someone? is it safe to place ur trust onto someone?

different people may have different answer. but my answer is yes. i find it hard. i find it difficult and i find it nt easy. it takes time. but how long? sure it takes time, but how sure can i get to know that i wun be backstabbed again? come on, who wans to be backstabbed? not u not me. but y is it happening?

frankly speaking. i hate to say this. but i started to doubt my closest friends out there. i know i shld nt. how can i even doubt them? i find some ppl isnt real in my presence. they are jus faking their feeling towards me. if they dun like me, y cant they just stop acting and be true to their actions and feelings? humans can be more cunning than foxes.

but if they are truthful, will i get hurt? things are so complicated. i dunno how to describe. but i jus hate this kind of feeling.

i do advise and counsel ppl and help ppl. but y cant i help myself? y cant i counsel myself? y cant i advise myself?

hopeless. useless. these words are inside my mind. spinning around. for i know all this are devil's attack. I HATE YOU TO THE CORE! I DESPISE YOU! I REBUKE YOU! I TRAMPLED YOU! I STOMP AND SQUASH YOU UNDER MY FOOT!


my body is the temple of christ.
no one shall touch it or harm it.
for christ is living in and through me.
christ's blood is flowing through me.
devil DOES NOT belong in here.
and you, devil SHALL NOT corrupt my mind, body and soul for your evil works!