humans are selfish creatures

24th october 07, wednesday


was bored today. my sun burn is getting worst. skin starts to peel off, or i would say burned dead skins? plainly audition-ing at home. family's planning on the next holiday trip to penang like next month. i prolly would not be able to go because of school, leaving me all alone at home, which i find may be a good thing. i just needed space for my own.

i begin to suspect rodney sim's suffering from minor mental illness. may be not so serious, just a little of it which may developed into a major one over the years? i keep thinking back to the counselling incident of mine. or maybe its my fault at first that i'm introvert?

i believe i've stop initiating contacts ever since graduated from secondary school? i believe in my own but not others. humans are selfish creatures i know. (currently discussing this topic with hanlin in msn right now) so be glad if i'm contacting you right now.

i'm not sure if counselling do helps in my problems. how somehow intruding my privacy and claims its their job so to get to know their patients even more. am i that terrible? just can't believe rodney sim ended up like this.

wonder if my friends still gonna "friend" me if i'm officially pronounced mental problems with support of counselling documents? and worst ended up seeking treatment in hougang chalet.

out of randomness and feeling extreme boredom, my sis and i made up this video. lameness. -.- just some lame entertainment? video's a little lag and poor quality coz we used a phone to capture this.

had counselling session today

18th october 07, thursday


having counselling session today. cabbed to school and meet the counselor. i'm sure quite nervous about it, i haven't seen a counselor before in my life. this is my first time though~ there's first time in every single thing.

session today was pretty alright. its more on the counselor getting to know more about me. this is not the only session i'm having. i will be having multiple of it. appointments to make soon i guess.

after counselling, went park lane to play lan by myself. felt a little disturbed and keep thinking about the counselling session i had just a moment ago. felt like a failure. rodney had screwed up his own life and needed counselling! i just felt like giving up, i can't seems to be able to handle the pressure with my strength alone.

i somehow kept encouraging myself in a way or another not to give up. continue to work towards my passion and goal. but after so much things have happened, i can't seems to be optimistic anymore. life's tough. i can't walk this road alone. how come rodney sim, me, are facing this shit thing. why me? i asked..

bus-ed home after lan, back home into my room. went online and some people came talking to me in msn asking my counselling stuffs. thanks to those who cares.

watched Evan Almighty.

feeling a little ****ed up. i'm afraid of tomorrow now. living each day with fear and insecurity. hope there's no tomorrow. every next day is a tomorrow. i hate it..

going for a job interview

15th october 07, monday


yesterday sunday's all wasted by the four of us doing nothing but sleeping the almost whole day, playing audition and crapping everything in my house. just felt that wasted 24hrs of my life. monday blue will always visits me regular on this day, just feeling so lethargic to go anywhere. stayed at home till evening. got prepared and bused to bishan.

sorry yixian for the turning up for the dinner, you knew the reasons why. shall not elaborate here. planning to get down to bishan to keep yixian accompany, but he left off early. did own shopping at bishan for a while and trained to khatib mrt station to meet someone. eariler in the day, i went yahoo online shopping, searching for my n73 charger, earpiece and data cable. went to meet and buy it from a seller in khatib. just love online shopping, it's so affordable and fast.

after training to and fro, bused back home.


16th october 07, tuesday


supposed to have counselling session today at 3pm, but i overslept. was postponed to this thursday instead. i'm afraid my situation have become worse or rather more complicated? the counsellor has told me they have invited an external professional counsellor to talk to me. and the internal counsellor will just sit in.

i was stunned for a moment. "ehhh...okayy." that's what i said. never been to counselling before, but i guess the problem not lying with me? or is it with me? or am i having some kind of problem within me?

i always thought i'm alittle crazy at times, but maybe not to the extent got to see a counsellor? or rather 2 counsellors at the same time now??... but if i'm really crazy inside me?... nvm, if i'm crazy, i'll just ended up in hougang chalet the most and maybe kill someone i hated most, coz i heard crazy people isn't guilty of killing another people. so people, dun even try to offend me, you do, i may come hacking you into pieces with a parang. LOL~ opps, i'm a dangerous person. =X

cabbed to eunos today to meet gerald for a interview today. some network multi level sales line which i strongly do not believe in it. there's this guy from the interview, apparantly one of the staff there, former ACS(I) student, pissed me off. he's super irritating and annoying. cracking lame jokes to me? and even try being so nice and friendly and talked to me? striking not one but many times of conversation with me. his signature exaggerating body language which is so fake and adnormal really irritates me and gerald alot. okay, i will just classifiy him as melodramatic. he's overly too enthusiatic!

and i find the company's presentation is really funny. i can almost literally laugh out real loud if i didn't control it. they sounded a little corny. still takes alot of consideration before me joining them.

after that, trained back serangoon to have supper with gerald. and bus-ed home.